Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments

Gods of Egypt is like Beast Wars crossed with bad Internet porn

Hey everybody! I didn’t have to wear miniskirt armor in this movie, so I count that as a big win! (credit: Gods of Egypt)

By now you’ve heard rumors or seen the reviews, so you know that Gods of Egypt, out this weekend, is quite possibly the most terrible movie ever made. There’s a lot of competition for that dubious honor, so let’s just say it’s ONE of the most terrible. And that’s what makes it so damn fascinating.

On its surface, Gods of Egypt sounds like the premise of a cheesy 1990s fantasy game—or a 1950s B-movie. A young thief named Bek is trying to get by on the skill of his dextrous fingers in Egyptian Mythical Times (sort of like where Xena Warrior Princess is set, except in Egypt). All he wants to do is marry a cute girl but then she’s killed by a bad guy, so Bek decides to rescue her from the underworld. Activate dramatic arc involving an intensely uncharismatic hero and his thrilling ability to do things like jump around and grab stuff (yep his range of abilities is pretty much defined by what you can do with the arrows on a keyboard).

Read 18 remaining paragraphs | Comments